Sorting out the mess

Nasty thoughts can take you places. I have seen many people get away with crimes worth unimaginable barbaric punishments. How they manage these, I can only wonder. Infact there have been times, I had wanted to just creep into their minds and soul - just to feel and know their emotions. How easy/ difficult to cut all emotions and completely believe in something so inhuman with so much of passion. Just what must they be thinking or not thinking to go ahead and hurt/lie/…..??? No answers. Maybe because I just have not been able to hurt someone deliberately. But wait a minute, am I saying I have never caused anyone pain at all. Come to think of it, I have. Maybe not deliberately but knowingly yes. Deliberately and knowingly are different I guess. Knowing means being aware that this will lead to pain/hurt but there is no way out. Deliberately is more like let me use this way as I know it will hurt. Good that I write my thoughts down. They sometimes help me differentiate and know my own thoughts better.
I am not always nice. And when I am not, have wished that I could have made retribution reprisal revenge as my keywords for selective few. But alas, my dictionary has never been able to include them. I feel ---- why stoop down to the same level that you hate so much.
I had read somewhere - “Don’t hate something so much lest you become one”. And that happens ….believe me. There was a phase in my life, when I was so very angry on slightest of the unfair things. I would react to anything wrong. Wanted change . But with all so good intentions, was being sucked daily into the giant whirlpool of fury. I was beginning to be a persona I had so despised all my life. Furiously angry. And one day, something happened. Rather mishappened . That mishap could have actually resulted into devastation both personal and human. One realization, I am so happy about that it occurred to me and I stopped being so un-me. So I don’t know whether I am very patient or not because yes, I can’t take rubbish and be a part of it but I definitely don’t intend to lose myself to insanity as long as I can ( even if it runs in the blood).
But all wisdom granted, can’t take away the fact that as life is an irony and who but the wise are the emotional fools. The notions of life and the drudgery of its rhythm for people like us, lead us onto traps of illusions - love, romance, perfection, idealism, search and so much more that might take many pages. Pages worthless of pixels I will devote to it. .Yes, “wise men/women” (sarcasm implied) are nothing but sitting ducks to be squashed to be a turkey. In life we meet people who are jokers, then there are the one who are foolish, very few gamers who know how to fool all and then people who are us - not fools but in a fool’s paradise. How they manage to get there is a mystery. Believe me, because such set had most of the things figured out, were the sorted ones and no nothing could have possibly gone wrong , given the kind of Planning, Organization , Managing, Precision and many such jargons that they possess. Interestingly they are the ones who are in a place, with a risk higher than the rest unsorted set. It’s either that they can deal with high risk, that God added it to their portfolio or …or …or. Actually can’t think of any other possibility. For now that looks like the hard, soft or whatever adjective you wish to put. The truth. The cold truth as it stands.

Truthfully yours

In Between flicking the channels

It’s been quiet some time that I had decided not to watch those heavy emotional, change oriented and super hopeful movies. The inspirational kind basically. I had been lately feeling that these movies impart no wisdom except delusions and illusions to people who want to believe them. But as they say, we end up doing things we never never want to.
Here begins my story…Yesterday (not giving any date because it could be any and doesn’t really matters as don’t want to get caught in frivolous details) so where was I, Yesterday between flipping channels watching Friends’ reruns and a match and a music channel, I stumbled on HBO to catch the 9pm schedule. And there it was, the movie “Freedom Writers” (starring Hilary Swank and Patrick Dempsey). I don’t know what caught my attention - Was it the challenge of a young female teacher with a demanding personal life to teach a bunch of hooligans on one hand and fight a system standing rock solid on the other. Or was it the transition that awaited each kid. Or was it that rebel in each student streamlined for a bigger cause. Or a pie of hope or my secret and now not so secret passion to teach or.. and there could be many such Ors I can write. No none of these could have retained my interest for long had it not been the simplicity with which there was an “I don’t know” in the background and such shakey confidence and enthusiasm on the face despite critical and life threatening situations. I completely loved the contradiction. The oxymoron. And reminded me of so many things including life. The beauty lied in change, courage to change and the will to make the change happen. It made me again revisit the “I don’t know” concept. Something I more or less believe in life. Yes, “I don’t know” if things always change for good or not but at least its better than resisting them or cribbing or just giving up. Basically sometimes, I guess it’s not such a bad idea to catch on movies like these. They catch more that just the eye.

Watchfully yours’