Seasons of my life

As I begin to write and feel nothing

Scribbling away my words carelessly

It reminds me a lot about life

that slips by every second.

The times that we think we know all

And there is absolutely nothing that can go wrong

And ha ha ha laughs The destiny

Pushing me to some other path

That has never been treaded before

and I quake unresolved unsure

"Isn't it better to sprinter back",

I ask myself 100 times

But when I look over my shoulder

the path that I so knew

It looked different, very different

Uninviting, impassive and distant

"What happened to all the laughters and smile

I shared some while ago" I asked

No one replies this time again

Yet I knew what I had known

Seasons change and so would ways

All is passing even you and me

What remains is what you want

If not in substance, then in reminiscence

What I have lost

Was not meant to stay

What happens to them

Is for them to face

I will walk another road

With knowledge of what I had known

Will heal myself and get hurt too

And never once forget to smile

for all the many seasons

I still have to meet

Awaitingly Yours

Can "I" ever convert to "we"

A funny title you will say. Perhaps not I will say.
As I walked to my cab today, followed by few sweepers who were busy making a public display of their desperation (eve teasing - Casually tossed around word), I just lost it. Yes I lost my calm that I otherwise keep. Under other conditions I would have ignored them but something snapped.
I felt that is this the country many of our brave men and women are laying their lives for. Is this the way we will always take things lying down or ignoring or feeling it will go away one day. The answer that came was shocking. A big NO. I took hold of the situation and took them to the guard. But no the thing does not ends here.
In no time I was surrounded by 20 men and women -all sweepers busy explaining and fighting my allegation.
I paused to wonder that if people can come together to fight an unfair cause of which they don't know , then why can't they come for a just cause. Imagine the scene when a girl is almost surrounded by 20 such jokers. 1:20 ratio.
And like always no one came to even stand next to me. all busy with their lives. So I often wonder if people will remember Mumbai 26-11 attack when they can't even stand up for something happening right in front of them.
I will not say that all don't voice their opinions but we have so many categories of people making points that all becomes chaotic. There are these fools who know they are wrong and the best way to survive is to make lot of noice
Then there are people who are scared of any voice and live with herd mentality.
Finally you have few who have some sense but it is an effort to be heard over the noice and mayhem.
It is important to keep making that effort and see that we don't become a fool or a coward. Yes to keep making that effort and find that voice above the noice.
And how can one do that. By joining all voices.
Is is also essential to realise that you can keep feeling safe till something happens. The day you are the victim, you will get the hit. So better to know that anything can happen to anyone anywhere so when you see someone in trouble, try to visualise yourself there and act. Don't be passive because the next time you will be in that spot which can happen, others would too act the same.
"We" should move away from "I".

"WE"ly Yours

We are "Nobody" with a voice

I have been glued to television for past 4 days and feeling so much that I don't know which feeling to highlight first. As it started, this time it was different because in case of Bombs, you atleast could stay home. What do you do with the face of terrorism staring at you. Yes staring at you with as casual an attitude to kill anyone senselessly. Now where do you go for safety. It is an attack right in our homes that are supposed to be safe. I can't even imagine what so many hostages would have gone through. I have been praying for them - the ones who have left us, the ones who have survived and will never forget the days and the ones who are left with a void.

I don't want all to forget this and in my own capacity plan to do my bit. I feel that be any government, no one is procative. If a government has to lay down plans against terrorism now after 4.5 Years of them being in power, it is nothing but shame. If you can't put processes right and we don't feel safe even in our homeland, you have lost our trust bigtime. And Yes I have acted in my capacity as a voter by going to the polling booth, resgistering my presence and signing that I DON'T WANT TO VOTE FOR ANY PARTY AND GETTING IT SIGNED BY THE PRESIDING OFFICER(ACCORDING TO RULE 49-0 OF INDIAN CONSTITUTION ACT)

I was also wondering that the government (any actually) can't provide safety at basic level for women working late or walking on the street post 8pm in winters or summers - expecting them to actually have been ready for an outside attack is asking too much. My condolences at the state that any government is(sarcastically).

But I have expectations out of people - THE NOBODY of today. The faceless citizen who is nobody but makes 90% India. So my appeal goes to us - The Nobody's to keep voicing and we will make it be heard.

Your's Nobody

Am wanting to know How am I

Very rarely. Infact I don't remember when had I to ask myself - Are you fine and literally struggling for an answer. I always knew I am fine and happy in whatever condition. But today is different. I really don't know how am I doing?? It hurts to see myself smile for no reason and hurts deeper to see myself sad for many reasons. Really as someone mentioned Chutkara hi nahi hai.

The minute I look ahead to walk forward I wonder Why? Why should I be vunerable to betrayels, lies and filth. I have also wondered that Is there something called trust, honest, shame, morals and many other similar qualities in this world.
And all I feel now is that people just use each other and few like us who don't fall in this category feel useless. Yes maybe I feel useless when I see the majority of people and the sick mentality.

Then somewhere deep down I have a very strong beleif in myself that sort of refuses to bow down to such forces. What a comic tussle I am in for.
Really sometimes to have faith and walk with head held high and sometimes feeling a complete useless piece of junk.

As I write, I feel that never in my life I may have thought that I would put myself one level down to what (that also I don't know)

Confusingly Yours

Past was innocent but...

If I could get hold of that day
I would never let it go
The day when I sat alone
Till you stopped by
And the smile that lit my face
And the twinkle in my eye
The card that read every word
You had written all night
The letter torn and pasted back
Sat moist in my hand.
I would have held the letter harder
Had I known it will again never be torn

I had written the above lines as I was carried away by emotions. Being emotional is a crime and a weakness. It makes sense to detach and live strong.
I hope one day I am more sensible and not vunerable. Yes, past was very innocent and even though you would want to remain that ways, it is not always the best choice. Everytime that I have relaxed, I have got hit hard. Now I want to learn not to repeat mistakes.

Less Innocently Yours

All out

Why Can’t I Choose?
The way I live
With whom I stay
To dance or pray
This or that
There or here
To give or share
Why not all
Why big or small
Why bit or bite
Why wrong or right
Why not hold dreams tight
With all my might
And again I ask
Why do I mask?
Why not I take
Whatever I want
Nothing to restrict
Anymore,
Nothing to haunt

Daringly Yours

Does love last??????

I was having burger with my friend on friendship day and our conversation sort of drifted to .... infedility and morals. She is getting married in some time and I popped her a question --What if few years down the line, one of you falls out of love. What then? What about that everlasting aspect of love. What one actually does is actually dependent on each person and the relationship that one shares but does there exists love that is immortal.

I don’t think we really were able to answer anything as my question was so sudden but it set me thinking. I kept thinking over it for a long long time and started jotting down whatever to try and make sense of a scary reality. I think that many of us confuse words like love with liking. There is one hell of a difference in liking and loving. Liking is just an initial attraction. Can result in anything.

But love is far denser and long termed. Long term doesn’t mean forever because when you fall in love, it is mostly with a particular attribute of a person. Anything actually – beauty, voice, persona, money, simplicity or anything. Basically something which is the reason for connection. With time, people change, yet few relations remain and few don’t.
The reason I realized is simple. Any relation can survive the test of time as long as that particular attribute or group of attributes remain somewhat constant.

To elaborate eg. If A loves B for beauty, and with time it diminishes in B, eventually A would move on. Similarly if someone loves for simplicity and if the other person becomes someone else with time, love is lose completely. In this case, with time even if the person looks bad, smells horrible or is poor, doesn’t really matter as long as that quality of simplicity remains with time.

It feels quiet a relief to understand this bit though I didn’t know it till I started writing. One confusion less

Wisely Yours

Infedility --to be cont

If you are in a relationship any - near, long distanced , one thing that scares me is what if our feelings change or worst what if you start loving someone else. Can love be measured at all.

I have heard in my college days, abt people dating 2 seperate people - simply because one couldn't make up mind abt either. Immoral most would say and yet the most real dilemma of life

I as a person have lived by my values but when I see these things happening , few questions do arise.

Can love actually change with time? What about that timeless concept?

Ninety-Ten

One of the best ways to learn my lessons have been by writing. Back in 1998, in college, I used to write so much about my feelings, analysing them and redirecting myself to become a person I would respect and mind you didn't care two hoots about the world. Things have not changed a bit in last 10 Years (I always stand by my convictions). Except I have almost stopped writing. The reason has been emotional and messy and confusing and I wish I had written as that would have definitely taken away lot of pain and given me strength sooner .

I have a special love and hate relationship with being emotional. I feel I have enough potential to be emotional but the problem is that people can also make me such an emotional fool. I still love it because it keeps the love in me alive.

Let me also reveal the secret why I have named my blog site as ninetytenisme - I have been most of the times ie 90% times practical and 10%times emotional both with very strong intensities. Being practical has always kept in focus and unfazed by rudeness that envelopes us. However, I must also mention that many a times I have fallen prey to emotions.

But thats the best of both world and I know when to transform - sooner or later I know what is right and stick by my convictions. One thing I have inculcated in myself is to be honest with my feelings always. Not that I never lie . I have lied in the past but not to impact other's life. I feel atleast as far as feelings for dear ones are concerned, one should be honest to every relationship and speak out and express them. It really helps you a good sleep and gives you enough guts to face yourself always.

Convincingly Yours

Few Feelings Sometimes

This is a poem I had the pleasure to write and somewhat talks about what I am.
In my Heart

I desire I Desire
To be loved
To be cared
To be held
To be awake with eyes closed
And hear the beat inside
And hear the beat inside

Many miles that we walked
Few together and many alone
To those days, I desire
That I braved with a smile

Many times that I have swept
In that river of memories
In those hours, I desire
Of being alone in the crowd

Many people I have met
In the occasion of life
For those Years, I desire
To hate less and love more

Yours Back In Action