Irks me

It’s sometimes so difficult to talk to her. Just having a normal conversation where you can have a very different view to what she thinks. Have a general chit chat where you can share your feelings with your own flesh and blood (not literally). Have a general discussion of the many fears or general musings or certain misgivings without being judged by your own similar DNA code. Somewhere and maybe sometime back - this birth or some other, I may have breached her trust. I don’t quiet remember it when or how but it torments me day and night. What have I done- the unthinkable to receive the cold shoulder and a colder heart? What adds to my state is that Why doesn’t she ever makes any effort. I know people will call me crazy, but a very Saggi trait (in general) with Virgos to treat them like no one has or can. In my mind, I have walked often back in time to understand what had/has gone wrong and if from my side, then how to be apologetic. Then again, you can do this entire if you atleast know .Why and Why only me. She has every right to say, behave, do anything but the minute you do that, she will completely ignore you.
I sometimes feel that its better to stay quiet but literally sometimes things are pushed beyond the normal limits of reasoning that I end up saying or yelling which I deeply regret later. The worst is the misunderstandings she has for me and my intentions and the fact that I can never prove that I am not like that please. I don’t even bother about what others have to say when my own….I also know if she ever sees this blog, she will think I was trying to play the victim…Am compressed with emotions and I still don’t know how to deal with everything.

Yours