Sorting out the mess

Nasty thoughts can take you places. I have seen many people get away with crimes worth unimaginable barbaric punishments. How they manage these, I can only wonder. Infact there have been times, I had wanted to just creep into their minds and soul - just to feel and know their emotions. How easy/ difficult to cut all emotions and completely believe in something so inhuman with so much of passion. Just what must they be thinking or not thinking to go ahead and hurt/lie/…..??? No answers. Maybe because I just have not been able to hurt someone deliberately. But wait a minute, am I saying I have never caused anyone pain at all. Come to think of it, I have. Maybe not deliberately but knowingly yes. Deliberately and knowingly are different I guess. Knowing means being aware that this will lead to pain/hurt but there is no way out. Deliberately is more like let me use this way as I know it will hurt. Good that I write my thoughts down. They sometimes help me differentiate and know my own thoughts better.
I am not always nice. And when I am not, have wished that I could have made retribution reprisal revenge as my keywords for selective few. But alas, my dictionary has never been able to include them. I feel ---- why stoop down to the same level that you hate so much.
I had read somewhere - “Don’t hate something so much lest you become one”. And that happens ….believe me. There was a phase in my life, when I was so very angry on slightest of the unfair things. I would react to anything wrong. Wanted change . But with all so good intentions, was being sucked daily into the giant whirlpool of fury. I was beginning to be a persona I had so despised all my life. Furiously angry. And one day, something happened. Rather mishappened . That mishap could have actually resulted into devastation both personal and human. One realization, I am so happy about that it occurred to me and I stopped being so un-me. So I don’t know whether I am very patient or not because yes, I can’t take rubbish and be a part of it but I definitely don’t intend to lose myself to insanity as long as I can ( even if it runs in the blood).
But all wisdom granted, can’t take away the fact that as life is an irony and who but the wise are the emotional fools. The notions of life and the drudgery of its rhythm for people like us, lead us onto traps of illusions - love, romance, perfection, idealism, search and so much more that might take many pages. Pages worthless of pixels I will devote to it. .Yes, “wise men/women” (sarcasm implied) are nothing but sitting ducks to be squashed to be a turkey. In life we meet people who are jokers, then there are the one who are foolish, very few gamers who know how to fool all and then people who are us - not fools but in a fool’s paradise. How they manage to get there is a mystery. Believe me, because such set had most of the things figured out, were the sorted ones and no nothing could have possibly gone wrong , given the kind of Planning, Organization , Managing, Precision and many such jargons that they possess. Interestingly they are the ones who are in a place, with a risk higher than the rest unsorted set. It’s either that they can deal with high risk, that God added it to their portfolio or …or …or. Actually can’t think of any other possibility. For now that looks like the hard, soft or whatever adjective you wish to put. The truth. The cold truth as it stands.

Truthfully yours